Reverse Christmas Gift Guild 2019 – What NOT to Buy

Reverse Christmas Gift Guild 2019 – What NOT to Buy

It’s the Christmas shop-til-you-drop season once more and finding just the right gifts for friends and family is top of mind for many. To help with your shopping challenges, the staff at Aura Appraisals Inc scoured the Internets to find all the gifts you really should avoid buying, no matter how tempting they may be. Christmas is about goodwill which is exactly where these ten perplexing products will end up immediately upon receipt. Enjoy!

Bacon Duck Tape

Duck tape, or “duct tape” as some call it, is great for repairing and strengthening all kinds of things around the house. It is a vital addition to every home handyman’s fix-it arsenal. Why you’d want to have this handy tape covered in images of bacon, however, is beyond us. Also, at $5.79 per roll, it’s cheaper just to buy bacon and the giftee would be much happier.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Not recommended for bacon-wrapped scallops.

Dad Joke Book

Books make a fantastic gift, if you’re giving the right one. Dad, though, does not need more lame Dad jokes. This is like buying Dad a book on lectures for disobedient children. They already have enough. You must trust us on this. Sure the book is only $7.84 but remember, you get what you pay for.

7 Function Multi-Tool

Here’s a hint about most tools which do more than one job; they never do any of them well. This multi-tool is designed especially to be stuck in a drawer somewhere and never used for anything. We suspect for the $17.99 price tag, you could get all 7 items at the dollar store much cheaper.

Bathroom Golf Game

 

“I need a Potty Putter!” said no one ever. What kind of person wants to play a round of golf while in the loo? Get in and get out is the rule in our house. We recommend after handling the mat, you should boil your fingers in hand sanitizer. Buying it as a gag gift? Your $16.98 could be better spent on exploding golf balls; a traditional favourite.

Doggy Dress Up Lion Mane

You just know any self-respecting dog will have this abomination torn to shreds in seconds. For the $16.99 price tag, if you REALLY want to impress Fido, buy him a Porterhouse steak!

Whisker Catching Cape

Is it just us or is this a weird way to spend $12.99? Why someone would put on a backwards cape with one end stuck to the bathroom mirror with suction cups just to shave seems inexplicable. How hard is it to wipe out the sink when you’re done? And now you have to wash the suction cup circles off the mirror! Admittedly, if you turned around while wearing the cape still connected to the mirror, you could pretend to be a super hero. That’s something, we guess.

His and Her Novelty Keychains

Tell the whole world how shallow your relationship is with these “humourous” key fobs for a low, low $12.99 a set. Such loving devotion should never go unspoken!

We will say, though, “I like her butt” will go over slightly better than “I like her but…” Spelling is important, kids!

Finger Boxing Gloves and Desk Top Punching Bag

Here is one of those “hilarious” gifts which may even get a forced chuckle from the recipient just before it goes in the trash. Mind you, at $11.88 it may be ideal for a “everybody has to chip in” gift for the boss, so he can work out his frustrations on something other than staff members.

Beer Belly Fanny Pack

This may be the most ridiculous waste of $19.13 on the Internet. Anyone with the lack of class necessary to wear this should in no way be encouraged. Seriously, just say no.  Do it for the children!

Poultry Limb-Themed Hosiery

Wait. What? If “chicken leg stockings” didn’t surprise us enough, we were astounded to discover there are chicken leg stockings competitors!  Hard pass despite the modest price tag of between about $4 and $7 depending on the various brands. (There are various brands of these! LOL!)

All photos and items shown are available at www.amazon.ca

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